A year ago I went to my first open mic night on my campus, at the urging of some friends, and because a good friend was performing. (The song he performed contains the title of this post.)
Point is: I just went to the last open mic of the year and it got me thinking about this past year and how much has changed. Mostly all in good ways. But this will probably (definitely) end up as an open letter. About him. Go figure.
This past year has been absolutely amazing and I have loved every second of it. Honestly, I’m going to miss this dorm room and my roommate from this year, because she’s one of the most awesome people ever.
And then there’s him. I can’t help but feel all I’ve done is fall even more in love with him (I’ve given in to the fact that I love him, what else could it be?) because he’s always on my mind and every second I start to feel like I’m getting over him, he appears and I fall right back down that rabbit hole. Every time I hear a song that we’ve sang together in his car, at the top of our lungs, any time I listen to the secret playlist I have of music he’s sang or reminds me of him. It all leads back to him in a way I feel.
Everytime I hear a guitar strumming softly, hear the clanking of his bag as he enters or leaves the dorm, going up to his room or leaving, the sound of a longboard hitting the pavement as I wander campus. Heck, the sound of a longboard going by. I hope every time that it’s him, and I can’t find a way for me to let go and move on. I just keep getting sucked back in.
yes I would love if something happened between us one day, maybe that’s what keeps me hanging on, that tiny ember of hope, but it’s not fair to anyone around me. I feel like everyone knows, possibly even him, just no one says anything. So I keep waiting. For nothing it seems. So why?
Just thoughts from tonight thinking about the year that’s passed and all the crazy things that have happened.