Life, Open Letters, Ramblings, Writings

“Dreams can come true if believed”

A year ago I went to my first open mic night on my campus, at the urging of some friends, and because a good friend was performing. (The song he performed contains the title of this post.)

Point is: I just went to the last open mic of the year and it got me thinking about this past year and how much has changed. Mostly all in good ways. But this will probably (definitely) end up as an open letter. About him. Go figure.

This past year has been absolutely amazing and I have loved every second of it. Honestly, I’m going to miss this dorm room and my roommate from this year, because she’s one of the most awesome people ever.

And then there’s him. I can’t help but feel all I’ve done is fall even more in love with him (I’ve given in to the fact that I love him, what else could it be?) because he’s always on my mind and every second I start to feel like I’m getting over him, he appears and I fall right back down that rabbit hole. Every time I hear a song that we’ve sang together in his car, at the top of our lungs, any time I listen to the secret playlist I have of music he’s sang or reminds me of him. It all leads back to him in a way I feel.

Everytime I hear a guitar strumming softly, hear the clanking of his bag as he enters or leaves the dorm, going up to his room or leaving, the sound of a longboard hitting the pavement as I wander campus. Heck, the sound of a longboard going by. I hope every time that it’s him, and I can’t find a way for me to let go and move on. I just keep getting sucked back in.

I mean, yes I would love if something happened between us one day, maybe that’s what keeps me hanging on, that tiny ember of hope, but it’s not fair to anyone around me. I feel like everyone knows, possibly even him, just no one says anything. So I keep waiting. For nothing it seems. So why?

Just thoughts from tonight thinking about the year that’s passed and all the crazy things that have happened.

Open Letters

A Letter To You

Dear you,

You are an incredible, awe-inspiring, thoughtful, kind human being. You deserve someone who will love you for all that you are, all that you have been, and all that you will be.

So why is it that I love you, even though I can’t be that person for you right now?

Because you are all of the above and so much more. You make me smile just by being in my presence, even if for a second, you are the one who makes my day better. I don’t know how you do it.

You deserve someone who is just as amazing and unique as you are. Someone who will care for you before themselves, someone who puts you first and will always be there for you. Someone who will laugh with you and all your dumb little jokes. Someone who understands and accepts you and your past, for all that it is, the good and the bad. Sees how it shaped the wonderful person you are today.

Someone who will lay with you and watch dumb, random movies or shows you find that you think both of you would enjoy. Someone who puts up with how much you are on your computer; heck, someone who will sit with you in the same room on their computer at the same time. Someone who will join in when you need a dance party, even at 2 a.m. Someone who will meet you at Steak ‘n Shake at 3 a.m. when life has you down and you just need someone there.

Someone who will smile at you while you play around on the guitar, absentmindedly plucking the strings and coming up with your own melodies and singing nonsense words. Maybe they’ll even join in with their own lyrics. Someone who will sit with you in silence, silence so peaceful you don’t mind having them there. Someone who is always there. Someone who has you on their mind all the time and sends you (what they think are) funny texts, just to try to make you smile throughout the day.

Someone who sticks around when things get rough, doesn’t run away or tries to avoid you. Someone who will be there to hold you when you cry, even if you don’t want them to be, holding you tighter when you start to scream and hit them. Someone who sees through the mask you put on for the rest of the world.

Someone who understands.

Someone who makes you feel comfortable.

Someone who makes you not as scared to face the world.

Someone who is as wonderful as you.

Someone who makes you truly happy.

Someone who is not me (for now).