Ramblings

What is this feeling?

I’m so completely and utterly terrified of how I feel about him and to screw it all up. Because I have never felt this way about anyone ever before. I haven’t even told him, but he knows. I know he does. I just don’t know when to say it; I’m such a stickler for the perfect moment that I want it to be the best possible moment when neither of us are stressed or worried about something else, which means it could continue to be months from now. Or, you know, I’ll sleepily mumble it one night when I’m at his place and falling asleep in his arms.

I just don’t want to screw this up, and I want to show him that I’ll put him first and what he needs first, just to make him happy and to make sure he knows he’s loved by me.

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I Told Him…

I told him I was proud of him today. It was totally random, but we finally got a chance to actually talk and catch up a bit and he told me about some changes he’s making.

I was so overwhelmed all I could do was put my hand on his shoulder and tell him I’m proud of him, for so many reasons, but I’m so proud of him.

And you know what? He responded with “I’m proud of me too.”

That sentence means everything and shows how far he’s come in the 2 years I’ve known him. I can’t wait to see where he goes next. He’s going to have a great adventure and is going to do great things.

I just know it.

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Open Letters, Ramblings, Writings

I’m 6 Different Kinds of Crazy…

When it comes to you.

Don’t you know by now that I would stay up til 3 am for you to make sure you’re okay, even if I was almost asleep at 11? One text from you and I’m wide awake, wanting to talk, make sure you’re okay, make you laugh possibly, be there for you.

I just worry, because of who you were a year ago. Granted you now and you a year ago are completely different people, but I love the person you are now (and then. Who do you think I fell in love with?) and I just want to make sure you are okay, because of a year ago.

I care about you, I love you, and I just don’t want to lose you.

You’re too important to me to lose you. That’s why it can seem I care too much about you.

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