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I Told Him…

I told him I was proud of him today. It was totally random, but we finally got a chance to actually talk and catch up a bit and he told me about some changes he’s making.

I was so overwhelmed all I could do was put my hand on his shoulder and tell him I’m proud of him, for so many reasons, but I’m so proud of him.

And you know what? He responded with “I’m proud of me too.”

That sentence means everything and shows how far he’s come in the 2 years I’ve known him. I can’t wait to see where he goes next. He’s going to have a great adventure and is going to do great things.

I just know it.

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Lessons I've Learned, Ramblings, Uncategorized

Thank Heavens

I am finally getting over the person I’ve been in love with for a year and a half. I don’t know what happened, but one day I realized it was slowly fading away. Last time I saw him, I didn’t instinctively track his every move. It was weirdly unsettling since I’ve been so used to doing it without realizing; when I wasn’t, it was very noticeable to me.

Maybe it is the fact he smokes most of the time. Maybe it’s the fact I know (and have known) that he likes another girl and I’m rooting for them, because it’s obvious how much he likes her. Maybe it’s because it’s that I hardly see him anymore.

Whatever it is, I’m almost glad. Because I feel free now. in a weird way. Now that I’m not constantly wondering what he’s doing, or analyzing every move and interaction we’ve ever had, a weight is gone and I feel lighter in a way. So now I can just focus on seeing if this friendship is worth having, and just being a friend. Which is awesome.

I’m free to be me. And that’s an excellent start.

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Ramblings, Uncategorized

“I wanna scream I love you from the top of my lungs…”

“…but I’m afraid that someone else will hear me”

– The (Shipped) Gold Standard – Fall Out Boy

How can you admit to yourself that you love someone, yet you can’t accept it? Am I making excuses? Is it because I found the one thing about him that bugs me, the one thing that started after I met him that probably isn’t changing anytime soon? But I know if he stopped, I (might, probably, if I have one of those stupid brave moments) would tell him how I feel and risk it all, just because he would then be pretty much the guy I dream of.

All I know is that I want to tell him I love him and I’m proud of him, but I’m scared too because I’m afraid it’ll cross the invisible line we have established or it’ll make things weird between us.

But I do and I am. Just need to tell him…somehow. One day.

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And one day I’d like another sky.

This is what I needed to read right now.

hannah brencher.

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In the 26 years, 1 month, and 7 days that I’ve been alive, the universe has afforded me one Tinder date. Just one. And that’s probably due to the amount of mental energy it takes to give yourself the sort of pep talk before a first date that looks like this: “Okay, he has sent me a selfie. I’ve heard his voice. There is a person who exists beyond the screen. I will not be Catfished. I will not be murdered. We will meet in a public place. And we can just lie to people and say we met in Aisle 7 if this all works out. Okay… we’re doing this. We’re really doing this.”

Alas, after that one date, the Gods of Tinder never showed their faces to me again. And I’ve retired from the game. And then un-retired. And then re-retired again.

As a sidenote to those who don’t…

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You’re Not a “Plan B” Kind of Girl

ASHLIN HORNE

DeathtoStock_Spring7You deserve better than someone who is afraid to commit to you. It may seem like enough for now. You’re just taking things slow. Oh, how I know those little phrases of “one day” and we just need time.

You believe them.
And I’ve believed them.

But you’re not a plan B kind of girl.

You need to know that you’re not the invisible one standing in the back who gets chosen last.

You’re the girl who the team captain will be frantically hoping doesn’t get picked by someone else before he gets a turn. You’re a first-pick kind of girl. And no one worth having sits back and lets those girls wait around.

‘Cause every good man knows that the good ones get gone fast.

He should be jumping out of his skin in anticipation to call out your name and say “I pick you.”

“But he’s…

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101 Things I Will Teach My Daughters

Thought Catalog

1. Chocolate is only a temporary fix.

2. A properly-fitting bra is not a luxury. It is a necessity.

3. Your happiness is your happiness and yours alone.

4. How to apply red lipstick.

5. How to wear the crap out of red lipstick.

6. A boyfriend does not validate your existence.

7. Eat the extra slice of pizza.

8. Wear what makes you feel gracefully at ease.

9. Love the world unconditionally.

10. Seek beauty in all things.

11. Buy your friends dinner when you can.

12. Wear sunscreen like it’s your second job.

13. Try with all your might to keep in contact with far-away friends.

14. Make the world feel at ease around you.

15. Walk with your head up.

16. Order a cheeseburger on the first date if you want to.

17. Never, ever bite your nails.

18. Swipe on some lipstick, put on your leather…

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