Lessons I've Learned, Ramblings, Uncategorized

Thank Heavens

I am finally getting over the person I’ve been in love with for a year and a half. I don’t know what happened, but one day I realized it was slowly fading away. Last time I saw him, I didn’t instinctively track his every move. It was weirdly unsettling since I’ve been so used to doing it without realizing; when I wasn’t, it was very noticeable to me.

Maybe it is the fact he smokes most of the time. Maybe it’s the fact I know (and have known) that he likes another girl and I’m rooting for them, because it’s obvious how much he likes her. Maybe it’s because it’s that I hardly see him anymore.

Whatever it is, I’m almost glad. Because I feel free now. in a weird way. Now that I’m not constantly wondering what he’s doing, or analyzing every move and interaction we’ve ever had, a weight is gone and I feel lighter in a way. So now I can just focus on seeing if this friendship is worth having, and just being a friend. Which is awesome.

I’m free to be me. And that’s an excellent start.

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Lessons I've Learned

Every Teen Cliché

I’m pretty sure I’m in love with my best friend. Which is great and all, but he doesn’t know.

I also have a boyfriend.

That isn’t him.

And so begins every teen romance book that involves a confused girl stuck between her boyfriend (who she loves, but not the same) and her best friend.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my boyfriend and he’s wonderful and everything, but there’s just something different about my best friend and how we act. I feel like I’m more relaxed around him than my boyfriend some days. Which then makes me feel like I’m not worthy of either of them and I feel bad.

It probably doesn’t help that 2 days after I decide that me and my best friend won’t date anytime soon because of reasons beyond my control, my current boyfriend confesses that he likes me and asks me out. And I said yes. Because it’s easier to get over someone if you have someone else to like too, right?

That’s what I thought. But then school started back and ‘m with my best friend all the time, he’s always hanging out in my room and vice versa; meanwhile, my boyfriend is in another town. I never cheated on my boyfriend, but the he was still worried that I still liked my best friend (cause he knew I liked my best friend by the way I talked about him). Which I have been denying. But the thought in my head is, “I think I might be in love with my best friend, which is totally a thing that cannot happen right now because of reasons.”

And then he just randomly stops by all the time, just to say hi, or just to come and sit and avoid going to his room because he has said he likes it better in our room then up in his room. Which I (obviously) do not have a problem with, most of the time. And it always turns into this talking and laughing event where nothing gets done, but I love it. Nothing is better. It makes my day when he stops by and talks, even if it is for a short amount of time. Not to mention that on days where I really don’t want to deal with people, he’s the only one I want to see, and when I do, my mood completely turns around.

Long story short: I’m not really sure what to do. I guess only time will tell.

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Lessons I've Learned

Journeys

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Have you ever bought something that seemed like nothing, yet when you look back on the circumstances surrounding the purchase, you suddenly find a meaning for it? That happened to me the other day.

The necklace pictured above was bought at the end of my first semester of college. At the time, it was just a cute necklace I found at the local coffee shop while I was there studying for finals. A little Christmas present for myself. I still wear it everyday, and receive lots of compliments on it.

The other day I was with some friends and we were talking about our college experiences so far, and I suddenly realized that my life went up hill soon after I purchased this necklace. I met the wonderful people I am still friends with now, even though I lost contact with a lot of the friends I made first semester because we never made attempts to interact outside of the organization we all met in. However, with the friends I have now, we see each other all the time, and even when we didn’t all live in the same building, I still made the effort to walk across campus and see them, even if it was raining or 9:00 at night.

The point is, the necklace is of a ship’s wheel with an anchor in the middle of it. Ship wheels are used occasionally to show a journey beginning, going out to sea and exploring the world. The anchor representing staying true to your beliefs and morals as you explore this new life and new-found adventure.

Since I began college, I have become more outgoing, doing things I never did in high school. I’m no longer as strict in when I go to bed and do homework; if I want to go out to IHOP at midnight with friends and I’m not too tired, you bet I’m going to go. I’ve broken out of my shell and will act more myself around people, and have accepted that some people may not like me, too bad for them, because I’m a pretty awesome person, if I do say so myself.

Even with all the new freedom, I still stay grounded. I have yet to be pressured into something I didn’t want to do, though people have tried. I still do all my homework and go to bed at a semi-reasonable hour.

I’m still me. Just a shinier version. This ship is going to keep on sailing towards new horizons and discovering new lands and treasures.

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