Lessons I've Learned, Ramblings, Uncategorized

Thank Heavens

I am finally getting over the person I’ve been in love with for a year and a half. I don’t know what happened, but one day I realized it was slowly fading away. Last time I saw him, I didn’t instinctively track his every move. It was weirdly unsettling since I’ve been so used to doing it without realizing; when I wasn’t, it was very noticeable to me.

Maybe it is the fact he smokes most of the time. Maybe it’s the fact I know (and have known) that he likes another girl and I’m rooting for them, because it’s obvious how much he likes her. Maybe it’s because it’s that I hardly see him anymore.

Whatever it is, I’m almost glad. Because I feel free now. in a weird way. Now that I’m not constantly wondering what he’s doing, or analyzing every move and interaction we’ve ever had, a weight is gone and I feel lighter in a way. So now I can just focus on seeing if this friendship is worth having, and just being a friend. Which is awesome.

I’m free to be me. And that’s an excellent start.

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Open Letters, Ramblings

Thinking Out Loud

I totally blame Ed Sheeran for the cause of this post. He released his video for Thinking Out Loud today and it’s just so beautifully shot, so fitting for such a beautiful song.

So today I’ve been thinking about our dance. The only slow dance I’ve ever had actually. But darn it, it was so worth the wait. “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” came on, you were heading to sit down, and my thought was, “I may never get this chance again, why the hell not. Ask him to dance idiot.” So I marched over to you, bowed and asked you for that dance. Much to my surprise, you accepted, took my hand, and followed me onto the floor. And we danced. The proper way, with your hand on my waist and holding my other hand. Talking and just being there, in that moment, with each other. I still treasure that memory, and those photos that were taken, especially the one where I’m smiling at you like you’re the best thing on this planet.

I don’t know if it’ll ever happen again. Maybe it was just a random coincidence that you said yes. Maybe you liked me, but couldn’t tell me, so you danced with me instead. I’ll probably never know, because I never plan on asking.

Back to the song at hand! The first time I heard Thinking Out Loud, my first thought was of a slow dance. The song is just perfect for it. And the video fits perfectly. I started daydreaming about us maybe dancing to this one day, just in a living room or possibly another dance. One of the many daydreams I have that will probably never happen. But I wish, god do I wish. Maybe one day I’ll just be so fed up I’ll just confess everything to you. Probably won’t happen, because I’m so scared of messing up what we have, but thinking of the possibilities is fun.

Like last weekend in the corn maze. Only people left in it and the crazy thought crossed my mind to tap you on the shoulder and kiss you, cheek or lips, wasn’t sure. But the rational side of me woke up and told me it was a dumb idea and I could screw everything up.

Maybe one day I’ll get over the fear.

For now, I’ll keep making up scenarios and remembering the moments we have had, however insignificant to you they may have been. But then again, I’ve always read too much into things…right?

“People fall in love in mysterious ways, maybe just the touch of a hand. Well me I fall in love with you every single day, and I just want to tell you I am…Maybe we found love right where we are”

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