Life, Writings

Growing Up Is Scary

Just in case you didn’t know.

I’m currently trying to find an apartment, land an internship, and figure out what I want to do with my chosen major. So yeah, it’s starting to get to me. I feel like I’m constantly getting asked, “What’s next?” and all I want to reply with is, “Sleep.” But no one wants that to be the answer.

Every time someone decides to not ask a question about the above, it’s about what I’m doing in school, which currently is a ton of projects since it’s near the end of the semester and all. I’m just trying to get everything done so I can get to summer and focus on other, more fun, things.

When I do stop to think about my future, I get scared and try to distract myself. But it’s always looming. I just don’t know at this point. I hope I get the internship so that I have a better idea of what I want to do with my life, but if I don’t, I don’t know what I’ll do over the summer honestly.

Hopefully I’ll figure it all out in time. And that pieces fall correctly.

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Open Letters, Ramblings

Happy

That’s what you seem now. I have never seen you happier.

I really hope it’s not all an act or cover up. But I don’t think it is. It’s too genuine.

Keep doing what you’re doing. Keep pursuing your dream of becoming an actor. You have people behind you supporting you every step of the way. All the ups and downs. Every audition. Every role. No matter how small.

I know I’ll always be there supporting you. I’m so proud of you. Always and forever.

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Open Letters, Writings

Are Titles Good?

Or labels, or anything defining us to a certain group or making us feel a certain way?

Because sometimes they make us feel like nothing.

Because really, what is “normal”? Something made up by society so we don’t feel like we’ll ever fit in, ever? Was there ever a normal?

I don’t know, but I wish all labels would just disappear, they just make life difficult.

That was kind of a lead in for the rest of this, but all are things to consider.

I know about your, well let’s just call it a blog. I guess that’s what it’s like to you. A place for you to vent, where no one you know will see it. But I know about it.

What do I have to do to get it through your head how important you are to me? If I have to straight up tell you I will, even though I’m terrified that it’ll push you away from me.

The other night when we were out and you were so happy that you “did this. I brought all these people together to have fun and eat,” god, I was so proud of you for discovering how important you were to people and that people like being around you. Seeing you smile and laugh and acknowledge that fact was so nice, it made me so happy to see you that way.

And then this post. One day, hopefully not too late, I will tell you that you are the only person that cheers me up when I’m having a bad day, how important you are to me, that I’m with you through whatever, that I will support you til the end. One day.

For now I’ll just keep being here for you when you need me and being a friend. Maybe one day you’ll know.

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Ramblings

Almost

I almost told you everything last night. That I love you, that I worry about you, that you’re one of the most important people in my life. Almost.

Seeing you so happy, the happiest I’ve seen you in a while, just because you brought together a group of people to go out to eat together. The fact that that made you so happy, made me happy. I just wanted to hug you and tell you that you’re awesome.

Especially when you were there for a mutual friend with me when she really needed people to talk to. Seeing you in that situation just made me love and respect you even more, seeing how you handled it.

I almost told you everything because your energy is infectious and seeing you happy makes me very happy.

Almost. If I’m not careful, one day it will all just slip out in a breath, or I’ll say it louder than I mean too under my breath and you’ll hear me accidentally. Or maybe I’ll link you to this blog, so you can read everything I’ve written about you.

Maybe. Almost. So many words, but none definite.

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Open Letters, Ramblings, Writings

I’m 6 Different Kinds of Crazy…

When it comes to you.

Don’t you know by now that I would stay up til 3 am for you to make sure you’re okay, even if I was almost asleep at 11? One text from you and I’m wide awake, wanting to talk, make sure you’re okay, make you laugh possibly, be there for you.

I just worry, because of who you were a year ago. Granted you now and you a year ago are completely different people, but I love the person you are now (and then. Who do you think I fell in love with?) and I just want to make sure you are okay, because of a year ago.

I care about you, I love you, and I just don’t want to lose you.

You’re too important to me to lose you. That’s why it can seem I care too much about you.

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